[Games] The Definitive Elden Ring Class Breakdown

From the IGN* Guide.

Hey everybody,

Welcome back to another hump day edition of the Kablamo Quarterly. In honor of hump day this week, we’re going to talk about something that’s all about getting fucked: Elden Ring.

For those who don’t know, Elden Ring is an action role-playing game from the makers of the Dark Souls series, which I’ve discussed before. The game was released in February of 2022 to wide acclaim and has a spinoff (?) coming up in May of this year, so to get hyped up for that and to reduce my idle time spent scrolling through horrifying nightmare headlines, I recently began a new campaign in The Lands Between. The experience has inspired me to share some of my considerable ER (for brevity) knowledge for any lucky gamers who might stumble on this as they pick up the game in preparation for its companion’s release.

Now, in the time I’ve spent playing ER, a baby could have developed into a less useless baby, so I know what I’m talking about when I say that it all comes down to the choice of class. You can reshuffle your stats anytime you like, but your base choice sets the tone for the whole game. Below is a brief rundown of all the ER classes in terms that anyone can understand, each with a breakdown of their play style and some key points to remember. Take these lessons to heart and soon you’ll be mending rings like ain’t no thing.

*Not that one. A different one.

1. Hero

Hero bonk. That’s pretty much all you need to know.

2. Bandit

Bandits naturally have high dexterity and arcane, which makes them a great choice for players that wanted to do a dragon build and then said “FUCK!” after seven hours. Level up your arcane to discover more items and inflict devastating statuses on the 19% of enemies that aren’t immune to all of them, but remember to never get hit, ever, as your character is constructed of a set Italian meringue and will crack and deflate.

3. Astrologer

This is the class for players who want pure magic. There are a litany of devastating spells for the pure magic user to uncover, but this build flourishes best with hard-hitting spells that chunk off damage. Remember to keep your distance and rock a talisman that’ll either protect you physically or allow you to wear heavier armor, though, because when people see a glinstone staff they tend to react like your little brother in a lightsaber fight and just sprint toward you swinging like crazy.

4. Warrior

Warriors are dexterity-focused like Bandits, but with more emphasis on straight weapon proficiency. Warriors are the ones who zip around rolling and dual-wielding and peeling your shield aside to crit you in the most humiliating fashion. Make use of your high endurance and stay on the move, because like pretty much everyone except for the Hero and the Vagabond you will stagger easily, and once staggered you die pretty quick just like every other starting class (and living thing, I guess, is the point that Mr. Miyazaki continues to make through his work).

5. Prisoner

These filthy bastards are basically magic-stealth hybrids. If the idea of hiding in the shadows covered in tarnished shit and firing off spells detested by the gods who created them sounds like your cup of tea, this is the class for you. One thing to keep in mind is that there can be a pretty long hang time on the spells that work best for the Prisoner class, so it’s best to lock on, fire your spell, alt-tab out and play a few rounds of something else or fold some laundry, then check back in to see if your spell hit or just alerted every enemy to your exact whereabouts.

6. Confessor

As the Prisoner is to the Astrologer, so the Confessor is to the Prophet. They start with decent strength/dexterity and high faith, which makes them well suited to grabbing anything to hand and beating the shit out of you for your sins. The Catholic Grandmother class, if you will. Confessors thrive on the offensive, so never let up with your spells and melee attacks, and make sure to use a few of the gross blasphemous sorceries to pick up some health in the bargain. Just like Nanna MacIntyre, who seems to cheat death the longer with every meat-on-friday-having ass she tans with whatever she happens to be holding.

7. Vagabond

Vagabond is a great class for cowards. You start with the highest vigor, so frankly you disgust me and I’m not going to waste further time entertaining your deviancy.

8. Prophet

Prophet is the pure-faith class, for those interested in pummelling their enemies into submission with miracles. This game really took the offensive incantations and abilities to another level compared to the studio’s previous work, so Prophets are a great class for those who want to play this like Bioshock Infinite, smacking enemies around with ridiculous abilities while barely touching a weapon. However, be warned: in order to maximize your returns on the prophet class, you’re forced to interact with some particularly annoying NPC’s, but since this is a From Software game, you were probably expecting that. Or as a From Software NPC might say, “Mmm…mm…mmmy…radiance…mmm…ggg…bbblblblbll…he…hehehe…eughhh.”

9. Samurai

This class is the Samurai class, which is for if you want to be a Samurai. I’ll be straight up with you guys, this is the one class I haven’t chosen for a playthrough. It’s not that I don’t like Samurai, but I own Sekiro, so if I want to be a FromSamurai, I’ll just play Sekiro. It looks like these dudes are all about weapon arts though, which sounds fun, so if I were you I’d pick Samurai and just go nuts with the wackiest weapon arts in the game. You have options.

10. Wretch

The Wretch is a classic class that appears in all the Dark Souls games too: all attributes start at the same level. They are a true blank slate. But if you were looking to build a house, you might start with some house building materials, not a blank slate; likewise, if I’m cooking a lasagna, I’m gonna get lasagna stuff, not a blank slate. So if you have any idea at all of what play style you’re going to embrace, there are likely more specialized classes, but still the Wretch holds an irresistible charm. If you want to be like me, you can be a madlad and pick Wretch and just level them up the same way, one point per attribute all the way down, and really celebrate the Wretchedness of it all. I can’t in good conscience recommend that as a sound play style, but if you do manage to make it to the Realm of Shadow with that build, you’re in for a pleasant surprise.

There you have it, gang, the last word on Elden Ring. Glad I could wrap that all up before Nightreign drops. If you’ve got notes to add to help gamers in need or just want to share your own fun stories from the Lands Between, sound off in the comments so the goddamn algorithm bumps this up in the feed!

Cheers!